Past Reflections of Future Visions


Fever and Jennifer Loriane

To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: a time to be born and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

A Translation of Torah, Ecclesiastes 3:1–8

April 18th 1999

Using the ill-gotten magickal gains of her former mother, Amanda had the family’s identities changed and had moved to another state. The cold depressing rains of winter had given way to the warm rains of spring which invigorated the Earth and the life it contained. Crops, weeds and wild flowers sprung up and fed the emerging infant pupa of the insects who ate them, matured, then transformed themselves into adult form by beginning of Summer in the eternally changing dance of DNA. While the plant eaters were still young and plentiful, carnivore insects fed on the immature insects who had become fat from ingesting great quantities of vegetable matter every day. The insect word wasn’t the only animal group to nourish themselves with plant life during Spring. Both wild deer and bison as well as husbanded cows became fat from ingesting the sugars created by plants as the chlorophyll soaked up the warm rays of the Spring Sun. The Darkness of Winter, after its proper season, had given way to Spring.

Amanda used part of her wealth first to bury to their former identities and then to completely obfuscate any clues that the family had ever been any different than what the public records indicated. Kimmie’s first name became Alma and her second became Kimberly to differentiate her from her first daughter’s name, who’s first name was Kimberly and second name Rebecca. If anyone who learned of her former daughter’s existence asked about the resemblance in names, Amanda planned to tell them that the first Kim was a black sheep who had disappeared with a never-do-well ex-con from a Texas prison and they had never heard from her since. She and Mark had named their daughter because of how much she looked like her ill-fortuned sister. The cover story was proof against the strongest investigation, including the FBI. If an agent asked about the similarity of names, Amanda would tell them how much her new little Kimmie looked like her sweet little daughter before she went 'bad'. After the move, she had 'conveniently lost' the address and phone number of her friend who she had called her 'Aunt' in Texas. If pressed, she would admit that the so-called 'Aunt' was really a fundamentalist religious group who she thought might be Baptist, but that she might be mistaken.

'Amanda' would tell whoever asked that she had answered a letter in a personals column about wayward children and the group had seemed to be honest and upstanding citizens. Kimberly had complained about them in her letters to her, but she hadn’t indicated she was being abused other than being made to go to church twice a week, i.e., Wednesday and Sundays, as well as go to Bible Study on Saturdays and Sunday School on Sunday afternoons. She had the impression from Kimberly’s letters that the group ran its own religious school which Kimberly was attending until she ran off with an ex-con. No, she hadn’t kept any of her daughter’s letters or any communication with the religious group after her daughter had run off with the crook. She had thrown all of Kimberly’s letters away on the day that she had read the letter from Kimberly saying that she had taken up with a criminal. All she would admit to about her former daughter was that she had gotten a letter from her saying that she was leaving the home with a man she had met and had a prison history. She had pitched the letter into the trash along with all the other letters and communications about her daughter’s welfare and never heard from Kimberly again. 'By her own choice,' Amanda would say, 'Kimberly was on her own!'

Amanda had done her best by her, but the child had chosen a path of wickedness despite all she had done for her. Amanda had her husband and baby girl to care for, and had put aside any thoughts of the wayward daughter she had tried to raise as a good Christian and honest, tax-paying citizen. From the time that she had gotten into High School, the Devil had gotten into her and had changed her into a different person. 'Maybe she had gotten on drugs when she was in High School', she would sigh, ''But nonetheless she was still responsible for what she did with her life!'

Mark and Amanda married and settled down with baby Kimmie after using her mother’s monies to rebuild their lives. They built a house in the country and settled into a life of peaceful domestic tranquility. 'Amanda' enjoyed her life as mommy to her perpetual baby 'Kimmie' and wife to her 'Knight in Shining Armor', Mark. For a time, the angry 'Kimmie' screamed night and day in fury at her situation. '

Amanda decided that their baby daughter, Kimmie, might calm down substantially if she was exposed to other babies of her own age in Daycare. After a few days research to find a good Daycare Service, they bundled up their little 'Kimmie' and brought her to the Daycare for an interview and personal inspection. When it came time to sign a contract to put little Kimmie in a Daycare Center for half a day, Amanda explained to the manager of the Daycare Center that Kimmie had a congenital birth defect that precluded physical or mental maturation beyond the age of nine months. The same source that had given them new identities had provided (for a substantial sum) a four-inch thick folder of 'absolutely bulletproof and incontrovertible' fictitious medical records of the infant 'Kimberly’s congenital' medical problems that had been inserted into the legitimate medical records of a well-respected, but harried Pediatrician in their former city of residence.

Amanda had learned her lessons well from her mother. The cover-up was complete. She had even obtained enough evidence on the theft-prone medical clerk with a drug habit who had 'doctored' the medical records as well as the bribe-inclined County Clerk to ensure that she could blackmail them into silence as necessary. Baby Kimberly’s birth records were from another state, in which fictitious midwife records and diddling of the county records produced a new child on the books. Amanda’s foolishness meddling was erased from the records and replaced by a well-funded change of records mediated with a healthy dose of bribes in the right places.

Documentation that Amanda’s first child 'Kimberly' had been married to a wanted felon by a county judge in West Texas who had since died was contrived and documented before insertion into the County Records. The felon in question hadn’t been seen in years and the skeleton of a victim with his dentition had been discovered about six months after the fictitious marriage took place. The Sheriff had concluded that the suspect had died in a drug deal that went wrong. It wasn’t difficult to insert reports into the police records of the Country Sheriff’s office that the Sheriff suspected that the con’s former wife had changed her name and was either supporting herself by prostitution in another jurisdiction, or had died under another name. The scenario was all too familiar to be disbelieved. There were no witnesses, only accomplices who could easily be blackmailed with evidence 'on-hand' for other, more heinous crimes. The investigating deputy Sheriff had died of a heart attack and couldn’t be questioned. If Amanda had been committing a crime other than conspiracy to alter and fabricate public records, the crime would have been perfect. The documentation and cover story were airtight.

Since Amanda hadn’t committed a crime other than falsification and altering of records, she could easily claim she had done so to protect her family from the press. While she had caused a minor violation of the law to occur, she hadn’t done it for personal gain or profit. No jury in Texas, where the falsifications were done, would convict a woman on the grounds of protecting her husband and baby girl. Amanda had 'defenses-in-depth'.

Since an opening for little Kimmie wasn’t available that day, the manager promised to call the couple after reviewing their credit history and Kimmie’s medical records to see if they could accept and handle ‘Baby Kimmie’s’ particular needs.

April 30th 1999

After looking at the records, the manager of the Daycare licked her lips in anticipation of signing the baby girl up for full Daycare Services. The falsified credit history of the couple was spotless and the valid current bank accounts and stocks gave her no reason to believe that they would ever be short of funds to pay their monthly bill. The young couple were fabulously wealthy, no doubt from a dual inheritance from even wealthier parents. Once the Daycare manager reviewed the medical records and saw that the healthy, but developmentally stunted infant in question was a permanent candidate for infant Daycare services, she forgot her worries and did her utmost to bind the parents of the unfortunate infant into a ten-year, non-revocable, prepaid contract.

The Daycare manager briefed her people thoroughly before baby Kimmie arrived for the first day. There would be no questions nor interrogations of the wealthy parents of the poor, unfortunate baby. She explained that the little baby had a congenital developmental problem which was incurable. The parents of the baby wanted her ‘socialized’ as much as possible, but had no expectations other than making her the happiest infant in the Daycare Center. The manager agreed wholeheartedly with the parents expectations and demanded that her staff do likewise. Aside from making the baby girl as happy and serene as possible while in their care, they would accept her developmental limitations.

No one was ever suspicious of why the helpless little baby girl in the Daycare Center never got any older. All was understood as the Daycare workers assumed full responsibility for the repeatedly wet and messy-bottomed infant who was given into their care early each weekday morning and picked up from the Daycare late in the afternoon. Every weekday evening, at five o’clock promptly, both parents would pick up their baby and take her home for the night.

It took time for the psyche of Amanda to completely adjust to her new position in life. Although she was in a rejuvenated body, the same couldn’t be said of her psyche. At first, the always-moving Barbie mobile drove her almost insane with rage at its obvious jape of her helpless, dependent condition, but after a few months at the Daycare Center playing with dollies, peeing and pooping her dydees as well as being fed with formula from a baby bottle and being breast fed at night, her resistance began to break down. The meaning that she had formally attached to the mobile, i.e., the symbolism of her loss of adult control of her life, began to fade into the background as she began to view the lavishly dressed overhanging doll and its expensive accoutrements as mere toys to be viewed with infantine girlish pleasure.

After six months, the mental condition of the former Amanda had seriously deteriorated as she became acclimated to her new life and the aphasic part of the pattern she had imposed on Kimberly’s physiology became active. Kimmie giggled a lot at the strange and funny former things of her life that were forgotten at the end of the day. During the first three months her vocabulary dropped from an educated adult’s high of five hundred thousand words to a five-year-old’s two thousand words. Within a month her vocabulary decreased again to a three-year-old’s Spartan vocabulary of one thousand words. Amanda resorted to whining when her perceived needs or demands weren’t met immediately. The patience that she had accrued by maturity vanished like an errant snowflake in the Spring Sun. By the end of the fifth month, her vocabulary was that of a two-year-old. Language experts have concluded that the tiny vocabulary of a two-year-old toddler, i.e., three hundred words, is the bare minimum need to communicate for unassisted survival.

Colors lost their names in the following weeks as her verbal skills nose-dived into infancy and the words for common household objects became a mystery to her. Amanda made her needs and desires known by crying and whimpering to gain the attention of the adults around her. After living five and one half months as an infant, Amanda’s vocabulary contained only ten words. When she spoke, which was rarely since her muscular control of her lips, tongue and vocal cords was that of a nine-month-old infant, it was with poorly vocalized, two word sentences like 'da-da bye-bye'. One week later her vocabulary was down to a nine-month-old vocabulary of three words; 'ma-ma', 'da-da', and 'ba-ba' which forbade meaningful verbal constructions and communication beyond greeting her adopted parents when they came to pick her up from the Daycare Center and demand her bottle when she was hungry. She understood 'no' and nothing else of adult speech. Amanda wasn’t physically capable of saying 'no' to anyone. Aside from screaming and crying, she had lost the ability to dispute the judgements and ministrations of her towering, giant daughter who ruled every moment of her infant life.

Since most adult memories are encoded with verbal tags indicating the meaning of the sights and sounds of what the individual had sensed while forming the memory, her recollections and experience became useless images and half-remembered sensory impressions of objects, places and people who had no meaning or relevance to her. Her condition was far worse than an adult amnesiac; adults who lost their memories retained their education and verbal skills even though they couldn’t remember how they had obtained them. Amanda’s recollections of her life was still intact, but her aphasic loss of verbal and logical skills had made her memories useless to her as an intellectual reference point. With the loss of meaningful experiences, however, she was blessed with the discovery of life each morning when she awoke. Every day was a new toy to be tasted, sucked, gnawed, touched, cuddled, and drooled over.

Meeting the new things or people was a delight each day, whether the new person populated her new life or whether they were lost in the passing of the day. Somehow her soul’s connection to the hypocampus of Kimberly’s former brain had been oddly damaged by her personality’s regression. While she could remember things throughout the period of a day, by the next morning the previous day’s events had been forgotten. She existed in the eternal 'Now' which had no past and no future.

As her psychological calendar rewound itself backwards through her preadolescent years into toddlerhood and early infancy, she began to focus on the toys she discovered daily on the floors and in the playpens of her nursery and Daycare that were properly a part of her much reduced personal Universe. Not only had her epistemological understanding slipped from polymorphic to simplex, but her emotional needs and perception of the world had transmogrified into an accepting, demanding infantile Weltlichkeit as well. She was perfectly content to play with blocks, brightly-colored objects or merely lay in her crib and playpen while sucking on her pacifier. She enjoyed peeing and pooping in her diaper and loved nursing on her formula from baby bottles. The only thing she enjoyed more than her other activities was nursing at her mommy’s titties every night before she was tucked into her crib each night.

Oct 31, 1999, The Festival of Samhain, otherwise known as Halloween Eve.

Amanda dressed baby Kimmie for the costume party they were throwing that evening. Their friends, mostly parents from the Daycare Center with a sprinkling of young wealthy couples from the Country Club they belonged to, were invited to bring their babies and small children to the family-oriented party. The outside eves of the house had been decorated with orange Xmas-style lights to mark the place of the party. The lawn had been prepared with Styrofoam tombstones that stood before fresh, brown earth-colored six-foot long and three-foot wide mounds of fresh wood bark mulch. Outside speakers had been set up and the howls of wolves could be heard from a CD that was playing in a stereo in Mark’s workshop.

Amanda and Mark had worked very hard for months to prepare for the party. Ranks of nippled baby bottles of green-tinted baby formula stood in their enormous, restaurant-style refrigerator, while a huge, black, plastic caldron filled with blood-red fruit punch chilled by frozen dismembered 'hands' molded in clean latex gloves and filled with grape juice. The addition of dry ice to the caldron made it appear to 'boil' from the pseudo-flames of the flickering decorative red and yellow lights that simulated a fire underneath the caldron. On the black tablecothed table, there was a profusion of goodies for the kids and their parents. Candied apples on sticks that oozed gelatin candy 'gummy' worms were gathered in a black-lace trimmed silver serving platter beside two large rectangular orange-colored Pyrex baking dishes that hosted a pair of grassless graveyards made from chocolate pudding with dirt made from crumbled Nabisco Chocolate Wafers and tombstones of imported German oblong cookies that had decorations of horsemen, sculptured faces and other Medieval themes baked into their surface. Red cinnamon–eyed 'ghosts' of conical mounts of whipped cream 'haunted' the graveyards. The centerpiece of the table was a gingerbread 'Haunted House'. Platters of bone skull shaped shortbread cookies were on one side of the table and one the other were iced and highly decorated sugar cookies shaped like bats, cats, Halloween pumpkins and ghoulish faces. On the other side of the room, Mark had set up an adult bar were he was prepared to serve Zombies, Bloody Marys’ and Mead as well as more traditional alcoholic drinks. The room itself had been decorated with Hollywood-style theatrical polymer cobwebs and from almost every high surface glowed a grinning, highly sculptured pumpkin that displayed a three-dimensional surface when illuminated with its internal yellow bug lamp.

Mark had outdone himself and made Amanda proud by his ingenious creations. Earlier in the year, he had contracted with a hydroponic hot-house grower just outside of town to provide him with large pumpkins before the season began. His real genius became evident when Amanda discovered that he had purchased two old deep freezers and had mounted three temperature resistant, foam covered outdoor plywood platforms with vacuum fittings and monstrously-sized bell-jars in which to freeze-dry the pumpkins in his well appointed home workshop. A separate room temperature desiccating facility was constructed in his large, well-vented paint cabinet. Mark had salvaged several freezer compressors from junked freezers and had, through the addition of appropriate valves and tubing, had engineered a multi-stage, hard vacuum pump worthy of a University laboratory from salvaged parts.

After taking delivery of the pumpkins, Mark placed them in their mansion’s walk-in freezer for cold storage before they began to rot. He had feverishly worked for weeks with fine saws, whittling knives and delicate woodcarving gouges to make each pumpkin a three-dimensional sculpture which seemed to come to life when a light was place within the pumpkin. After each pumpkin sculpture was finished, it was placed in a freezer set to minimum temperature. After a few hours, a vacuum bell-jar was placed over it and the air in the jar was evacuated. Then the frozen pumpkin was left to desiccate in the hard vacuum for several days. When the freeze-dried pumpkin-sculpture was removed, the waterless shell had retained its shape, but was light as a feather in comparison to its former waterlogged weight. Then Mark took the sculpture to his workshop’s paint cabinet and used a high pressure, one hundred psi oil sprayer to drive a coating of varnish deep into the cells of the pumpkin. Each coat took twenty-four hours to dry and the varnish treatment was repeated two more times. The outside was sealed with a low pressure sprayer with a satin-finish, polyurethane water-based varnish and left to dry for a week. When the pumpkin was finished, it was placed in a non-refrigerated bell jar and placed under a hard vacuum again to remove any taint of oil or turpentine vapors that remained. After twenty-four hours, the finished product was removed and boxed in a padded plastic container until Halloween rolled around. The result was a light sculpture constructed of pumpkin fibers that was impervious to insects, mold or fungal rot. The resin treatment of the varnish had driven the Asian and Brazilian tree resins through the porous, waterless, cellulose fibers of the melon to preserve them indefinitely. His masterpieces would live on for centuries. Indeed, as the years went by, his collection of timeless pumpkin sculptures became so large that their storage had to be relegated to a temperature-controlled storage facility.

After little Kimmie was dressed, her mother took her into the master bathroom so she could see herself in the mirror. The image in the mirror distressed her more than somewhat, but because of her aphasia, she couldn’t put a figurative or logical finger on the exact problem. All she knew was that something was very, very wrong in what her mother had dressed her in. In fact, the costume she wore was a parti-colored costume of a medieval clown, complete with the tri-lobbed hat of silliness. The costume had been especially made for Kimmie, so the legs of the pseudo-tights had snaps down the inside seam of the garment from one foot to the other.

Mark came in to show off his Knightly costume to his wife, who was dressed as the medieval Queen of the Manor. She praised him for his good looks and invited him to view and critique her costume as she twirled around to display her finery in front of him with baby Kimmie in her arms.

Baby Kimmie was most dismayed by the effect that her mother’s mocking costume for her had on the group of parents when they saw her. Although she had lost command of English, she instinctively knew the meaning of the sound of derisive laughter. When her mother put her down on the carpet to gambol in her clown’s costume to cavort and clown in infant fashion in front of the assembled fathers and mothers of her fellow consignees to the Daycare Center, they entire group of parent broke into gales of delighted laughter at the heavily diapered baby girl in a jester’s costume.

Seeing the particolored tights and absurd triple lobed-bell topped hat of his adopted daughter, Mark asked about Kimmie’s costume, and was informed that Kimmie’s costume was intended to emulate the famous medieval German prince of clowns, Til Eulenspiegel. Since Mark was unfamiliar with the famed exploits of Til, Amanda gave the group a quick education on one of the most legendary figures of Medieval Germany. The name, 'Eulenspiegel', she told the group, means 'owl’s mirror' in German and is a double entendre in German. It has two meanings; the person who mirrors the opinions of the wise and makes them see their failures of logic or reason, or the more obvious reflection or inversion of wisdom, i.e., a professional fool. Amanda explained to everyone that Til was famous for his exploits in making the aristocracy of the time take a second look at themselves and allow them to see the harsh reality of their serf’s existence and the importance of the decisions that they made as a consequence of earlier pronouncements. Amanda left unsaid the fact that little Kimmie’s failures of judgement as an adult made her the perfect figure for derision since she had been relegated to the social position of an infant. Since no one but the immediate members of the family knew that Kimmie had been transmogrified from an adult into an infant, the jest was secure. Only Amanda and Mark knew that their infant daughter was being subjected to public embarrassment because of her behavior.

After the drinks and food was served, all the guests became mellow. The children and infants were well-fed and dozed in the repletion of a full meal. Certainly the older children and adults had reason to complain about their sumptuous dinner. The roast 'beast' was as fabulous as the garlicked potatoes and Hollandaise-drenched asparagus that were side dishes for the meal they served for the adults and older children.

After dinner for the adults and older children had taken place, and the toddlers had been ensconced in one of the two high chairs provided for feeding and then released to drink their ba-ba’s on the floor in front of their parents while basking on the carpet and lying on their backs. The obvious attempts of the wide-eyed innocents to make eye-contact with their parents was a direct attempt on the part of the babies to bond with their parents. The babies were removed from the two playpen to play within the sight of their parents and so that they might deport themselves in an adorable clowning manner that insured that their parents loved and appreciated them. Kimmie fussed and finally made a mess in her diaper to force her mother to remove her from the sight of the laughing parents. To her dismay, after her costume was removed and her diaper was changed, she was returned to the living room wearing nothing but a thick, disposable overnight diaper and the absurd jester’s cap.

The crowd loved the variation on baby Kimmie’s jester’s costume. They laughed and cheered the antics of the baby clown as they took photos for their family albums. When Kimmie began to whimper in infantine embarrassment, Amanda put a pacifier in her mouth to silence her cries. The group of parents chuckled their approval as Kimmie’s infantile reflexes caused her to immediately begin to relieve her anxiety by rhythmically sucking on the latex soother. After one of the mothers picked her up, cuddled her and told her what a cute baby she was, Kimmie calmed down and began to clown for everyone’s enjoyment. Even though she was surrounded by adorable babies, she was the center of attention. She loved basking in the light of parental approval of the adults! Suddenly she came to the wordless understanding that all the 'big' there were her mommies and daddies. She was everyone’s baby! She sat down with her legs in front of her and crowed in delight at the feeling of gemutlichkeit that surrounded her. Then she began to foolishly giggle in a fit of happiness. Everyone was enthralled by the sweet baby girl who was so delightfully entertaining.

The party was a smashing success! Their friends adored them, both for their generosity and for their creativity. Although many of their friends hoped that their efforts would be repeated at Christmas, it was not to be. They observed the Yule Holiday without a party, instead having a few close friends over for a buffet and Wassail. Of all the Holidays in the year, Mark and Amanda enjoyed the Festival of Samhain most of all. Samhain was the time of transformations. It was symbolic to them of their own transformation which had brought them together and made man and wife.

In a real sense, Amanda had gone home. She had arrived. She had rediscovered the utterly complete and serene happiness of infancy. Because they were useless to her, her subconscious ceased refreshing the memories of her former adult life. Even computer memory, though non-chemical in nature, needs to be 'refreshed' from time-to-time. As the unused paths formed by the dendrites between neurons of her brain were reclaimed for other uses, her 'permanent' memories began to slowly empty themselves from her mind like thick liquid through an ultra-fine sieve. Her brain was automatically erasing itself to make room for her current memories and situation in life. Under normal circumstances, an infant’s memories would be 'overwritten' by later memories, but the spell that caused Amanda’s transmogrification into infancy had reversed the normal process. Like a jam-packed disk drive chock-full of important data whose first letters of its file names had been changed in one fell swoop to sigma, telling the BIOS that those drive sectors were available for reuse, her memories were being inexorably written over with the nonsensical twaddle and babble of a baby’s existence, then returned to a pristine state as her volatile, short-term memories faded during the night. Amanda was slowly being erased.

The day soon came when, after towel her dry after Amanda had finished her sweetly-scented baby bubble bath, that her mother had held her naked body on her hip with a tiny, chubby leg both fore and aft while standing before the vanity mirror of the master bathroom and showed Amanda what a pretty baby she was. Amanda looked at the reflection of an adorable baby girl with blue eyes and the fat cheeks of a nursing infant in the mirror with the wide eyes of complete incomprehension. The baby before her was only a nameless extension of the person she called 'ma-ma'.

Apr 1st 2000

After a year of repetitive diaper changes six to eight times a day, bottle and breast feedings every four to six hours (on weekends) and twice daily on weekdays when she was relegated to the care of the Daycare Center and nursed from a latex nippled, plastic bottle filled with her mother’s milk, a daily bubble bath by Amanda, and thrice daily naps, as well as long sojourns with fellow diapered infants of the same age in the play area of the Daycare to amuse herself with soft plush toys and multifaceted infant playcenters, little Kimmie had learned to accept her life as Amanda’s beloved baby girl. All memories of her former life had been automatically leached from her brain from disuse because of their irrelevance to her life. Kimmie had learned to love her 'well-pampered' life and communicated with the expected delighted coos and gaas of babyhood as well as upset wails (when she was unhappy) like the infant she had become.

Kimmie loved the feel of ma-ma’s hands as she was lovingly undressed and cleansed at each diaper change, then had her entire body rubbed with a light coating of sweet-smelling baby powder every morning as she was changed after her morning bottle of apple juice. Then she would be carried upon her mommy’s hip to her softly pink-padded, (but pee-proof) high chair where she would be fed a few spoonfuls of finely-puréed, mixture of applesauce and oatmeal out of a baby food jar before mommy carried her back into her nursery for breastfeeding. After Kimmie was in a baby’s version of Heaven. Everything was soft, cuddly, entertaining and non-demanding. Most of all, she felt perfectly safe; she knew instinctively that nothing would attack or endanger her as long as her Mommy was there to protect her.

If she was hungry or fretful, there was always the allure of the orthodontically designed, soft latex nipple of her ergonomically-bent ba-ba or the solace of her mommy’s fleshy, but natural titty. The sweet perfume of baby powder filled her nostrils with every diaper change and remained for hours. Even her room, which 'ma-ma' called her 'nurs-see' had the same pleasant vanilla scent. Her mommy took care of her every need, whether she was hungry or needed a 'dydee' change. She peed and pooped as necessary without worrying about the consequences or where she was. Mommy took care of everything.

Long naps with sweet dreams of soft, fluffy clouds and the caressing touch of her loving mommy became so common that she looked forward to sleeping and dreaming whenever the opportunity presented itself. Her right thumb gravitated unerringly towards her mouth and took up permanent residence until the end of her days. It wasn’t long before she succumbed to the joys of sucking on a 'binkie'. Her binkie became her constant and much valued companion in life because of its power to reduce any momentary anxieties.

Kimmie was as rich as she could possibly imagine; she had her blankie, her binkie and her teddie to keep her company every minute of the day. As for her physical comfort, both her mommy or the Daycare workers made sure that she stayed in well-padded, comfortable, dry diapers and was bathed at least once a day. The Daycare workers were enchanted with the little baby girl who never grew an inch or gained an ounce of weight. Kimmie was such a sweet and adorable baby that everyone wanted to help take care of her.

Kimmie enjoyed wetting and messing her diapers as well as playing with the baby toys and sucking on her binkie. What she liked most of all was suckling at her mommy’s breasts although she was patient if she missed of her mommy’s thrice daily breast feedings. She loved the warmth of her pee when her bladder released its blood-warm contents into the soft, thick padding of her disposable diaper while she was breast-feeding. Oftentimes, she would have a soft, easy bowel movement in the back of her diaper when her mother breast-fed her. The feeling of her pee as it crept up to met the soft little puddle of poopy made her shiver in delight as she continued to breast feed at her Mother’s titties.

When Kimmie was hungry and her mommy wasn’t near, as happened when she was in Daycare on weekday mornings, she drank bottles of her mommy’s warmed breast milk from her ba-ba that had been pre-prepared for her by Amanda that morning before she had been taken to Daycare.

She loved her Mommy Amanda and her Daddy Mark almost as much as Mark adored her Mother. Mark was an affectionate Daddy to the diapered tot who had once been his girlfriend and mistress. Little Kimmie spent the rest of her life sucking on her thumb and cooing in infantile pleasure at the world around her. Kimmie would wriggle her tiny body in delight on the real Kimberly's lap as she was breastfed several times a day at her daughter’s tits.

On weekends, when baby Kimmie was placed in her playpen with her 'blankie' while Mark seduced his wife with sweet nothings into disrobing in the living room with a long series of loving kisses, licks and strokes of foreplay.

On occasion, Kimmie would feel vaguely jealous for a moment as she watched her daughter receive the sexual attentions of the former man in her life. For some reason that she lacked the memories or logic to fathom, ma-ma’s escapades on the living room floor with 'da-da' just didn’t seem right to her. These discomfited instants became less and less frequent as the dim memories of her former life were buried even further under the daily detritus and dross of the delightful oblivion of a carefree infantine existence.

When she became disquieted by the sight of her Mommy and Daddy taking pleasure with each other’s bodies, the short attention span that her infant psycho-physiology mandated would make her quickly forget the bad feelings she had had when she witnessed the grunting, groaning, and cooing lovemaking noises that the adults made as they lay on the carpet copulating in front of her playpen. She would quickly become bored with the unfathomable action taking place in front of her and roll over onto her back to seek pleasure from her own body. Her infantile psyche would cause her to amuse herself by sucking the toes of the tiny feet on her upraised, wagging legs while her parents played in adult fashion in front of her.

Kimmie didn’t care about adult games anymore. Whenever she was bored with external life, she would roll over onto her back and do the thing that she liked best! She would wet herself while sucking her fingers or toes! If she felt a pressure from her behind, she would relax and poop herself as well. The feeling of release as she allowed the soft, milk and vegetable-softened poop to easily ooze from her behind to make a delightfully warm puddle against her bottom that pleasured Amanda’s regressed personality immensely.

Everything she did in her diaper was good, warm and comfortable! The presence of a diaper about her loins became an absolutely necessary for her mental health. When she felt her warm pee run down over the sensitive skin of her pubis to spread around the cheeks of her bottom and creep up the back of her diaper, she would chuckle to herself in utter contentment. She loved sucking her thumb or her binkie. The toy 'friends' in her crib were so soft to the touch and so loveable. She knew that her soft, cuddly friends would never abandon her. She would hold on to her teddy bear every night as she went to sleep for comfort while clad in nothing but the soft padding of her thick nighttime diaper during the summer. Her 'baby' blanket covered her every night and was always nearby for her to cuddle at need. When the season changed to winter, her mother dressed her in onsies during the day and made sure she was warm and comfortable in her flannelette sleeper by night. Her mother, Amanda, breast-fed her thrice daily both for her own pleasure and Kimmie’s nutritional needs throughout the long years that followed.

Kimmie was the 'perfect' little baby girl who could do no wrong and therefore was both blameless and sinless. After a few years, she completely forgotten her former life as well as the powers that she had once invoked with her adult mind. Instead, she lived within the psychic limitations of the simple, innocent infant brain that she had fled to escape the consequences of her worldly sins. She was beyond the judgements of Karma and the Gods; her amnesia and experiences as an infant had made her sinless and innocent again. Her world was whole and complete; she had a mommy and daddy who loved her and who would protect her from the untoward vicissitudes of adult life forever!

The family lived a very, very long time together and were altogether completely happy with their condign and perfectly deserved fates. Kimmie was her mommy’s beloved diapered baby until the end of her days on Earth. Of course the spell that had governed all their existences enforced that their endings came several centuries later. Except for accidents, every member of the family was effectively immortal.

January of the year 2300

The forces of Karma and Kismet intervened in the fate of the extremely happy and long-lived family. During an unpredictably intense Solar storm, the world-wide network of traffic control computers crashed for a few moments under an incredibly intense shower of high-energy alpha particles that had invisibly flared from the far side of the Sun several hours earlier. When the devastating wave ionized particles wreaked electronic destruction upon the world’s exposed satellites, most of the suburban air flyers lost satellite-guided control services immediately and were thrown out of control. Regrettably, many of the home-owner’s flyers lacked the sophisticated backup systems of the commercial jets and missiles, so that they sank from the skies into certain death as their so-called (and falsely advertised) utterly dependable autopilots and autonavigation systems failed under the intense ionized particle shower from the Solar storm. Most of the occupants switched over to manual control before the immanent destruction of their personal flyers occurred and they thus saved themselves from disaster.

Unfortunately, Amanda, Kimberly and Mark were not among this group. They perished simultaneously when the computer of their air flyer took a 'hit' and its programming was instantaneously modified. The air flyer dived into the side of a granite-faced mountain as if the 'Divine Wind' from the mouth of a powerful Kami had forced the innocent craft to suffer a Kamikaze death for a Heavenly purpose. There was no time to allow for the possibility of a manual takeover before the crash. It was time for all three of them to come home into the light. All three of their souls were happily and lovingly received into the light and drawn into the Hereafter.

Rather than reincarnate, the infantile soul of the former Amanda chose to remain as it was in the perfect splendor of absolute innocence forever. Three hundred years as an infant had washed her soul clean of the sins that she had committed. Besides, there was the small matter of her courage in fighting the nemesis of mankind to be considered. Even though she had broken to her fears at the end, she had attempted to fight the evil Goddess for the sake of life itself. Her life and soul was weighed in the balance and on the whole, her good deeds outweighed her bad deeds. Also, her soul had been rejuvenated to a state of infantile innocence by a three hundred year sojourn into early infancy. This had never happened before in the experience of the judges of Karma and Kismet. She was a special case.

After due consideration, it was judged that her soul had expiated her sins long before and that her inherent good nature qualified her for a Heavenly respite before reincarnation. Since she had battled the Utterly Foul and Evil Goddess without hope of survival for the sake of the living that dwelt in the Universe, therefore her soul was given special consideration for its desires. Because her wishes did not demand Angelic powers (repeatedly asked after translation to the Heavenly plane by mortal souls but never granted as a matter of Heavenly policy) nor the powers of a Saint (per policy of the One, these powers were always granted by special dispensation while the personage was alive, so that temporal authorities could recognize the special status afforded the personage by Heavenly Decree), her wishes for eternal innocence and non-reincarnation were respected and honored by a special order of the One to insure her eternal happiness. She was ensconced in a Heavenly nursery where she could be fed, played with and allowed the pleasure of peeing and pooping in her diaper every day. Her poopies, in Heaven, most naturally could not stink nor cause diaper rash!

[There is some debate among the scholars of Heavenly rules about this phenomena. It is well known that nursing infant’s stools are odorless, yet the infant in question was provided a Heavenly solid food in addition to the motherly milk from the breasts of blessed women which cannot have an odor. There was no doubt that the infant in question was easy to care for, nor did she have an offensive odor even when she fouled her diapers. Was this heavenly phenomenon a consequence of the Heavenly origin of the solid food (manna) or was it a consequence of her presence in Heaven? The Rabbis, Priests and Imams in Paradise debated the question eternally without being able to come to a common understanding of the subtle Will of the One.]

Strangely, Angels weren’t required for Amanda’s afterdeath care. Many of the women made the transit into the Heavenly Realm who weren’t ready for retranslation into the mundane place via reincarnation, because they longed for to care for an infant again because of the loving relationships with their own infants that they had been forced to abandon by their deaths. She was given over to the care of loving women who took turns every day to wash, diaper, fed, burp and dress the absolutely innocent soul of the little baby girl who would not be returning to mundane reality via reincarnation. Heavenly management was extremely pleased with the outcome. (As they knew they’d be…Absolute omniscience is the very best of management tools!) The female souls who required a baby to care for while they rested before their reincarnation were able to care for the 'perfect baby girl' they needed to rebalance their psychic energies. The perfect soul of the infant Amanda supplied an eternally Heavenly need.

As a consequence, her soul retained the simple, loving acceptance of reality until the end of time. She fed hourly at the tits of beautiful mothers who were granted the special grace to nurture a total innocent by the virtue of Heavenly breastfeeding. Each willing mother was lovingly assigned to her care by virtue of the orders of the Most Holy and Powerful One. While Amanda didn’t need the earthly sustenance of mother’s milk, her soul required that she be 'spiritually' nourished. In like ways, she needed to be psychically comforted by the 'touch' of a higher being as her diapers were changed. An Angelically guarded nursery was created for her which was staffed by departed mothers with breasts full of the Heavenly milk-of-kindness and absolute maternal love. Amanda accepted the adoration and affections of her 'mommy-angels' and was completely satisfied with the conditions of her Afterlife. She suckled, wet and messed her dydees and cooed in condign pleasure forever! In turn, she was loved and cared for by millions of grateful mothers over the eons that passed before the One mandated the end of time and the Universe.

Kimberly and Mark reincarnated quickly and assisted with humanity’s discovery of how to use Hyperspace as well as reducing local inertial effects. Kimberly’s 'brush' with Lilith had given her an instinctive understanding of the nature of time and space, thus paving the way for her discoveries in Physics. Mark as usual, took up the rear, but he was able to devise a mechanical/electronic method of turning Kimberly’s theories into practical engineering. As a team, they became famous and helped send mankind to the stars. They married and became multi-trillionaires (versus relatively poor billionaires) from their joint patents.

When the process of DNA scrubbing and replacement by massive targeted viral replacement of damaged DNA became available, they were one of the very first couples to have the extremely expensive treatment.

Sometime in April of the year 3327

One thousand years later, they remained as young as they were when they took the first treatment, i.e., as a twenty-seven-year old couple. Every two hundred years or so, they had gone to a Rejuv Clinic for another DNA scrub. After a thousand years of serving mankind, the couple retired to their own pleasure planet enjoy their immense wealth in peace.

On another plane, the soul of Amanda had discovered that her precious diapered bottom was being held securely and happily within the palm of the One. Everyone, excluding Amanda, lived happily ever after. Amanda, whose diapered bottom was cupped within the hand of the One, was eternally pleased in her role as the only (but well-loved) permanent infant in Heaven.

…As endings go, it was a good and successful resolution to their problems. Everyone, including the One, was pleased with the outcome.


Copyright 1999 by Fever and Jennifer Loraine, All rights reserved.

No commercial use allowed without the express permission of the authors