Christmas at the Smith's

A 'Louder' Christmas tale

A light snow was falling outside. It was a picture perfect white Christmas. Inside everyone was gathered around the joyously decorated Christmas tree as 8 year old Josh Smith unwrapped his presents. One after another he'd tear into the boxes and throw the bows and wrapping paper aside into a growing pile. His Dad, Bill, proudly took pictures as Josh would display each gift and then move on to the next. His mother, Lisa, watched and smiled as she knew they'd gotten Josh most everything he'd asked for including a Playstation 2. Grandma Smith sat on the couch admiring her new sweater that the family had gotten her.

Lisa and Bill exchanged a look as Josh picked up an odd box.

"Ummmm Bill???" Lisa said seeing the strange box.

Bill shrugged and looked to Grandma Smith.

Grandma Smith looked back wondering what they were talking about.

"What's it say on that box there, Josh?" Bill asked.

"To Josh. From Santa!" he said as he started tearing the wrapping paper.

Bill again looked at Lisa in curiosity. They hadn't wrapped anything like that for Josh. Obviously Grandma Smith hadn't either as she wasn't paying much attention like you would expect if the gift was from her.

Aunt Carol came from the kitchen with cookies.

"Carol, did you bring that?" Bill asked quietly motioning toward Josh and his box.

Josh tore into the box itself.

"No...?? Not me.... Why?" Carol replied and watched intently as Josh pulled something from the box.

"Watcha got, Josh?" His mother asked.

"Hmmmm It looks like a remote..." he answered curiously as he aimed it at the TV and clicked it.

Nothing happened.

Bill squinted to get a better look. "Let me see it"

"Hold on" Josh replied seeing all the interest his gift was generating. "Maybe it's a space gun!" he then said and aimed it at Grandma Smith.

"BANG" he said as he pushed a button.

Grandma Smith frowned.

"Dammit son.... no guns whether they're real or toys are allowed in this house!" His dad told him.

"Awwwwwww I was just pretendin'" Josh whined.

Before Bill could take the strange unexplained gift from Josh he was interrupted by some light sobbing.

"What's wrong, Mom?" Bill asked his mother.

Grandma Smith looked at her son and held up her new sweater "All I got was this ol' sweater!"

"I thought you liked it?" Lisa asked.

"It's dumb!" Grandma Smith answered.

Aunt Carol and Lisa looked at the old woman and wondered if this was the first sign of senility. She had always been so sharp before but maybe she was beginning to lose touch!

"I want one of those things like Josh got!" Grandma Smith declared.

"Mom, we don't even know what it is yet!" Bill told her.

"Let me see that, Josh" his mother said holding out her hand.

"Nuh huh! BANG!" he said aiming at his mother and pushing a button.

This stopped Lisa in her tracks. "No fair!" she said.

"Dammit, boy.... No guns! We don't play with guns, pretend or otherwise, in this house!" his dad said scoldingly.

Lisa threw an empty box at Josh nearly topping the Christmas tree. "That'll teach ya!" she said as he fell backwards and nearly fell himself.

"Lisa... settle down... he ~was~ just playing after all..." Bill told her.

"Well.... I wanna play too!" she said. "You wanna play Carol?"

Carol, sensing some new-age parenting, agreed "Sure... I'd like to play"

"What the hell is going on here?" Bill asked.

"Uhh I thought we were trying to teach Josh a lesson somehow...?" Carol answered.

"Nuh huh... I just wanna play!" Lisa said.

"Me too!" Grandma Smith said as she joined Lisa who was now seated on the floor. They grabbed a couple of Josh's presents and began playing with them.

Carol shrugged and looked at Bill questionably.

"Well, if you two are gonna act stupid then I'm taking a picture!" Bill said as he aimed the camera at them.

Both women smiled big and said "CHEEEEEEESE!" and then went back to playing.

"Damn.... You two are creeping us out....." Carol told them.

Bill's attention turned to Josh and the strange remote. He started to walk toward Josh when he suddenly tripped and fell on the floor. He'd tripped because his clothing was suddenly huge!

"OH MY GAWD!" Carol screamed as her eyes opened wide. "What happened?"

"I dunno..." he squeaked "MY VOICE!??? I went to get that thing from Josh and POW I tripped... What's going on???" He began to survey the problem. "I shrunk!" He said as he noticed his shoes were like boats and his pants wouldn't stay up. His shirt fit more like a tent.

"No... You didn't shrink. You turned into a little boy!" Carol told him not believing it herself. "How.....?"

"HUH???? No way!" Bill replied.

"Uh huh.... You're all little!" Lisa said mockingly "You're the littlest one here! HA!"

"Hey!" Bill protested "This is impossible!"

It didn't make sense to the grownups but it did to Josh. Whatever his present from Santa was it allowed him to change people's ages! He's used it on Grandma Smith and his mom and now they were playing in the floor and acting like children. He used a different button when he aimed it at his father and now his father was smaller than him!

"Something's really strange going on here!" Bill understated.

"Uhhh yeah..." Carol replied to Bill's understatement "But what???"

"Son, ummmm did you shoot me with that gun thing?" Bill asked as he shook free from his oversized shoes and jeans.

"BILL!? Are you nuts? With that TV remote?" Carol said.

"Carol, take a look around you. Have you got a better idea?" Bill asked her.

Carol was silent. She couldn't think of anything.

"Carol, just maybe that isn't a remote for the TV at all!" Bill said. "Better let us have that, son"

"Yeah, maybe you had better" Carol added in agreement.

"IT'S MINE!" Josh argued as Carol came toward him "BANG BANG BANG!"

Suddenly Carol felt very strange. She felt like she was falling. Her vision was soon blurred by something. Her next sensation was landing on her rump. She was trapped somewhere! She frantically pawed trying to free herself from wherever Josh had sent her. Finally she saw daylight and crawled thru the hole. It was the top of her blouse! She tried to stand but couldn't! She tried to talk but only drooled a bit as strange noises escaped her mouth. Her tongue didn't want to work. Then it registered.... she was a BABY... A NAKED BABY... She was crawling naked on the floor after having just extricated herself from her adult clothing!

"Ahhhhhhhhh.... a wittle baby!" Lisa cooed seeing her sister-in-law crawling toward Josh. She swooped her up. Carol tried to complain but only noises followed by crying came from her mouth. Her tiny arms and legs flailed in a futile effort to get free.

"Josh... this isn't a game.... Now, let me have that!" Bill ordered.

Josh laughed "I'll let you 'have it' all right if you don't behave! You're littler than me so you gotta do what I say. I wanna try these other buttons anyway!"

Bill stopped dead in his tracks. He didn't want to know what else the device could do! "No...."

Josh looked over at his mother and grandmother playing with a very disapproving baby.

Baby Carol tried to crawl away at every chance she got only to be reeled in by one of the juvenile acting adult women.

"Baby., won't play!" Grandma Smith said as baby Carol again crawed away.

"Hold on" Josh said "and I'll make her a REAL baby... I gotta figure out which button's which anyway... Hmmmm ... BANG"

Suddenly baby Carol found herself in a whole new situation. Carol had been 30 years old when she arrived that day. Now Carol, who had just been a baby, was a teenager! The 18 year old crawled a few more feet before realizing that she was no longer a baby. The whole room looked different and she felt a weight on her chest that hadn't been there only moments ago. "OH MY....OH... Nooo.... I'm not a baby anymore! My clothes!!!!! " the pretty teenager yelled as she realized that she was as naked! She was as naked as a baby... and in fact had just been a baby!

"Carol... Get that damn remote!" Bill squeaked. "You're big now and you can take him!"

Carol, with one arm covering her breasts as best as she could, scooped up her clothing and fled to the bathroom in embarrassment. All she cared about at that moment was her cothing... or lack thereof!

"SHIT!" Little Bill exclaimed in his high pitched 7 year old voice.

"The baby's gone!" Lisa said dejectedly. "We wanna play!"

"Josh, your grandmother is going to have a heart attack acting like that! Her body can't take all that running!" Bill said mustering all the seriousness in his voice that he could for a 7 year old.

"MOM! No running in the house!" Bill then yelled to Grandma Smith. Grandma Smith stuck her tongue out at Bill.

Josh shrugged and aimed his remote at his mother and grandmother.

"Josh! Stop that!" Bill complained! "Carol... get out here! We need you!"

Grandma Smith's hose fell in a bunch around her feet. Her dress touched the ground and then some. Her glasses slid uselessly down her nose.

Lisa's pants slid harmlessly off her narrow hips and pooled around her ankles. Her blouse hung like a dress. She kicked off her useless shoes and stepped out of her huge jeans and giggled. Her blouse covered her like a dress. "CHRISTMAS!" she yelled excitedly.

Two 7 year old girls stood where the grownups had just been.

"CAROL! Dammit!" Bill yelled in his child's voice.

Inside the bathroom Carol was examining her teenaged body. It had been 12 years since she had seen that reflection and she couldn't believe how much she had changed. Perky breasts, flat stomach, no lines, shiny was ALL back. She looked like she could be homecoming queen again she thought! She took inventory of the clothing she'd grabbed. Her jeans and blouse. They looked too big and far too dull for such a pretty girl she thought. The pants were too big to stay and up and besides.... she didn't want to hide her teenaged body in big sloppy clothes anyway! Looking around the bathroom she saw some cutoff sweatpants that Lisa would sleep in. She shrugged and decided they'd better than the alternative plus the drawstring would help to keep them up. She then grabbed a sports bra from the hamper. Next she grabbed her own blouse and tied it at the bottom so as to reveal a little of her tummy. Not bad, she thought to herself, for a makeshift outfit!

"CAROL!" Bill yelled louder as he waited for her reinforcement. "C'MON!"

"Aunt Carol's just a dumb ol' girl. I don't know how she's gonna help you!" Josh said triumphantly.

Bill surveyed the room. His wife and mother were 7 year olds and playing on the floor. He himself was a 7 year old but at least he still had his wits about him. Unfortunately, Josh was bigger than him now AND held the strange device! He hoped that a teenaged Carol could help him somehow wrestle the device away from Josh and get everyone back to normal.


Carol took one last look at herself and declared herself ready to 're-debut'. She decided she would make a deal with Josh and help him however he wanted as long as she could remain 18! Hearing Bill yell once again for her she decided now was time. She opened the door and re-entered the living room.

"BANG! BANG! BANG!" Josh said. "Now who's gonna help you, dad? HA! That's the button I was looking for the first time"

Teenaged Carol dropped to the floor. There was a strange weight on her chest that she didn't recognize. Drool ran out the corner of her mouth. She saw lots of pretty flashing lights and happily crawled toward them cooing the whole way.

"Dammit boy! That's pathetic... she looks like she's 18 and acts like she a damned baby!" Bill told Josh.

"Well.... you sound like you should be on South Park!" Josh countered and laughed.

Just then then the doorbell rang. Josh, not thinking, turned. This was Bill's chance. He ran for the device and tried to tackle Josh. The doorbell rang again as the two boys wrestled.

"Gimme it!" Bill grunted as he pulled on the device. Josh, being older, was stronger but Bill put up a good fight.

"No...." Josh said through his gritted teeth.

"Let... me... have... it!" Bill said between tugs.

And then the two fell apart. Bill had the remote.

"I'm sorry!" Josh said sensing he was about to be in big trouble.

Unfortunately Bill had pushed a button in the struggle! "Ummmm trouble? Gee, why?" he asked as he handed Josh's device back to him.

Bill had regressed himself mentally and he didn't want to make Josh mad. After-all, Josh had lots of neat new toys and he wanted to play with them!

The door flew open.

"I'm sorry to barge in... but I heard the noise and the door was un-locked... I think I've made a terrible mistake" said a large man wearing a red suit.

"SANTA!" all the children yelled!

"Yes.. tis I! It looks like you've already opened the gifts. I'm so sorry but I think I left one here that I shouldn't have" he said as he looked around the tree and picked up a box. "Looks like someone's used it too! "

Josh was hiding the device behind his back but Santa saw it in his hand and took it without argument. "So, let's see.... Who all do we have here?"

"I'm not tellin!" Josh said dejectedly "It's not fair!"

"I'm sorry about this Josh. It was a delivery mistake. It happens. Still, we can't leave everyone all mixed up like this. Besides, Ol' Santa can figure it out. Everyone's true essence is still inside them"

Santa aimed the device at Lisa and Grandma Smith. Suddenly they became aware that they were in 7 year old bodies. He then did the same to Bill. Then to Carol who quit trying to put her toes in her mouth!

"What the???" Lisa said seeing all the strangeness around them and the Jolly ol' fella smiling as he again aimed the device at each of them. "Don't worry, Ol' Santa knows your true essence and will fix this little problem. I apologize for this delivery mixup." He began the restoration process.

"There we go... all good!" he said as he readied himself to leave. "Ho Ho Ho MERRY CHRISTMAS!"

"But... But...But..." Bill stammered.

"BILL! Mind your manners" Grandma Smith told him "Let Santa on his way!"

"But Santa... Santa??? Santa???? ..... He's gone? It's like he just disappeared!" Bill said gazing out over the snow filled yard. "Now what do we do?" Bill said as he observed his now teenaged wife and teenaged sister giggling like schoolgirls at their re-found youth! "He made you ~teenagers~!"

"Oh... I think we'll be JUST fine" Bill's teenaged mother said laughing as she saw Bill pick up a letter that was amongst the wrapping paper.

It read:

-Dear Zappy, I know you always ask for this and I'm never able to deliver. But this year is different. I hope you enjoy your Youthenizer! -Love, Santa