Age is Like a Box of Chocolates
All rights reserved
Contains adult material for 18 years and older.
"The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty." (Woody Allen - "Crimes and Misdemeanors")
Part 1 - 3
'Shit! Shit! Shit! Shhhhhhhit!' Derek Webb yelled as he pounded on his steering wheel. 'Sally is going to fucking kill me!'
Derek's stress level continued to escalate as he went on yelling profanities out loud over the fact that his meeting ran late. It was now a little after 7 at night and on Valentine's Day no less. He had promised his wife a night out (something the two of them hadn't done in months) and still had every intention on carrying that promise out, it was just now the schedule from that promise might be postponed for an hour or two. Right now, he was on a quest for flowers, or some fancy shit that women liked. Hell, he didn't care, as long as it kept Sally from being pissed at him as soon as he walked in the door. Which seemed the most logical scenario, especially if the phone call home before he left work was any indication.
Unfortunately, his search wasn't proceeding too well, with most stores now closed or sold out of flowers and other valentine items. Derek was a extreme procrastinator and always shopped for items at the last minute. Hell, one year he didn't buy their Christmas tree until December 23.
'Well, there is no way I'm bringing home just a card, unless I want a doctor to surgically remove it from one of my orifices.'
After 20 more minutes of fruitless searching, Derek was about to call it quits and go home to face his wife's wrath, when a neon sign caught his eye.
Derek immediately slammed on his brakes, did an illegal U-turn, and turned into the store plaza. It was a L-shaped row of stores. All the stores were closed and dark, except for one with a bright red and yellow neon sign which read: Spell-R-Us. Valentines items a specialty. Open.
'Hot-diggity-dog! Finally, somebody's open!'
The bell above the door clanged loudly as Derek entered the store. It was completely empty, employees included. He proceeded to browse around a bit. It looked like a cross between a flea market and Chinese museum. Everything seemed to have an antique feel to it, but it all looked so new. Derek walked around the tables slowly. Some tables had high school yearbooks on them, some had little wooden boxes of different sizes on them, others had marbles, spices, dolls, medallions, and one even had a stack of board games on it.
'Well this is all nice and neat, but where are the valentine items?' Derek questioned to himself out loud.
'Those would be over here, sir.' A voice from behind him answered.
A startled Derek spun around quickly to see an old man suddenly behind the glass counter. He walked toward him, hand on his chest and shaking his head. 'Jesus, you scared the hell out of me!'
'Your looking from something to appease your wife tonight, are you not sir?'
'Yeah, I got out of a meeting late and need something to extinguish the fire waiting for me at home. God, women can be such a pain in the ass sometimes.'
The old man gave Derek a disgusted smirk and bent down behind the counter. 'I believe I have just the thing for you.'
Brushing aside a bunch of gold-wrapped candy bars, the old man grabbed a thin white box and placed it on the counter. 'Here you go, young man.'
'What is this?' A puzzled Derek replied as he leaned over the counter to get a better look at the box. 'Dark Oni's Aged Chocolates? Never heard of them. Are they any good?'
'Oh, I guarantee if you give your wife this candy, she will melt in hands.'
'Sounds good enough to me!' Derek replied, digging into his back pocket to retrieve his wallet. 'How much do I owe you?'
'Oh, let's call it five dollars even.'
'Sounds even better.' Derek said excitedly as he gave the old man the money, shook his hand and quickly left the store. He could wait to see the look on Sally's face when he gave her this candy.
Derek was ill-prepared for the look on Sally's face as he walked in the door. She was all done up in a killer red dress that tightly hugged her body like a baby koala bear.
'Sorry I'm late, but I just couldn't get out of that meeting.'
Sally just shook her head and kept her arms folded across her chest in response.
'Uh-oh! This isn't good.' Derek thought to himself. 'So, are you ready for a night on the town?' Derek asked her, with a twinge of hesitation in his voice.
'Strike two!' Derek thought, trying to get a better grip on the bat, metaphorically. 'Boy, have I mention how beautiful you look in that dress tonight?'
Sally unfolded her arms. 'Do you have any idea what time it is?'
Before Derek could answer her rhetorical question, she continued her ball-busting.
'The baby-sitter has been here for over three hours, I've been ready for two, and quite frankly, the mood you have set for tonight is just a tad unromantic!' Sally calmly commented as she tapped her red pump on the wooden floor.
'Gee honey, I love you too.' Derek placed his briefcase on a chair and began taking his coat off.
'Three times a year you do this to me, on our Anniversary, on my birthday and today. You'd think after twelve years of marriage I'd get used to it, but I don't. I'm so sorry if my getting upset doesn't fit into your plans tonight, but that's just the way I feel.' With that said, Sally turned her back on Derek and began to head upstairs. As she hit the landing, she paused and slowly turned around. 'The hell with that! I'm not sorry in the least.' Sally then continued up the stairs.
'Fuck, this is bad.' Derek pulled the white box out of his briefcase and ran upstairs after his wife.
'Knock! Knock! Still hate me?' Derek asked smugly as he stuck his face in the bedroom doorway.
'No! I'm beyond hating you at this point.' Sally continued to check her makeup in the mirror without looking at her husband. 'I believe I'm in-between resentment and total disgust right now.'
'Even after I give you these?' Derek whipped the box out from behind his back and placed it on top of the oak dresser in front of her.
'ESPECIALLY after giving me these!' Sally grabbed the box and threw it on the bed behind her. 'You know I'm trying to lose weight. Jesus, Derek, you're about as subtle as a drunken Dennis Rodman at a chess tournament.'
Sally sudden weight problem was news to Derek. At 33, he never thought his wife looked sexier. Sure, she had gained a little extra weight after having the two kids, but he felt it made her look more mature, more rueben-esque.
'I give up!' Derek threw his hands in the air. 'Look, I'm going to take a shower and get ready. When I get out and if you're still mad at me and don't want to go out, fine. If you've calmed down by the time I get out and want to go out, even better.' Derek went into the bathroom and slammed the door.
Sally sat down on the bed, still frustrated by the last couple of hours. She knew Derek couldn't help being stuck in that meeting, but it didn't stop her from being pissed off about it. Sally began to subconsciously move the white box around on the bed. Besides, Derek did bring her home a Valentine present, even if it was fattening chocolates. She picked up the box to get a better look at it.
'Dark Oni's Aged Chocolates. Huh! Never heard of it before, but they sound kind of decadent.' Sally peeled the cellophane wrapper off the box and slowly took the lid off. The box contained about forty pieces of chocolates, all the same shape and dark brown color.
'What the hell!' Sally took a piece and put it in her mouth. Her eyes lit up over how delicious it tasted, like a piece of chocolate utopia.
In fact, Sally was so lost in the unexplainable taste of the candy, she didn't notice the loosening of the dress she wore. Cellulite put on during her pregnancies quickly dissolved away, especially around the thighs, butt, stomach and breasts. Sally's face became fresher and more vibrant, as any and all signs of aging quickly dissappeared.
As Sally swallowed the last of the chocolate in her mouth, she started to tug at her ill-fitting dress. Before she could contemplate on her attire, her attention was quickly drawn back to the box of chocolates.
'That is the best candy I have ever tasted.' Sally excitedly stated with wild exuberance, as if she was now coming down from an orgasm. 'I gotta have another one.'
Greedily, a 23 year old Sally reached into the box, picked out two pieces and popped them into her mouth. 'God, this candy is just so awesome!' Sally said to herself in a slurred voice as she churned the chocolates inside her mouth.
The effects of the candy work more quickly now, as Sally's body and mind returned to teendom. She soon became bored with just sitting on the bed and decided to go over to the TV and turn it on. As the 18 year old stood up, it was easy to see how much weight see had lost. The red dress was now at least four sizes too big and getting bigger. She wobbled a bit in the red pumps she wore and almost fell down a few times, since mentally she was no longer accustomed to wearing them. Sally almost lost her balance again as she continued walking, and quickly grabbed the edge of the dresser for support. Looking like a skater in an ice rink for the first time, the 16 year old slowly moved along the surface of the dresser.
'Oh, the heck with these shoes, they don't even fit anyways.' With that, Sally kicked her right leg in the air, sending her red pump rocketing across the room and smashing a lamp on a table.
'Oh no!' Sally replied fearfully, as she walked out of her loose left shoe and over to the lamp. On the way there, the effects of the candy picked-up speed, as each step forward equaled one step back. 16-15-14 . . . The pantyhose on her thinning legs began to slide down, getting wrinkled and bunching up around her ankles. The hem of her dress went from mid-thigh to just above her knees. The V-neck collar on the dress drooped lower, but ironically showed less cleavage as the space between her breasts grew wide and wider. 13-12-11 . . . Now at the onset of puberty, the residual of the adult make-up Sally had on, severely clashed with her up-turned nose and innocent features. Her breasts had went from 34 C-cup to mere bumps in seconds, as her nipples and areolas shrank and condensed on her chest. Hips flattened, pubic hair thinned, muscle toned dissolved and memories faded. 10-9-8 . . . The dress was now huge to Sally in comparison and appeared as sexy on her as a potato sack. The hem of the dress was now about mid-calf on her toothpick legs. The perm she had specially done for tonight had straightened out and shortened. Hair coloring also changed, as Sally gradually went from a dark brunette to a sandy blonde. The cuffs of the dress reached down to her elbows. 7-6-5 . . . Sally was almost to the broken lamp, when suddenly her adult panties dropped to her ankles, causing her to fall forward as if she had just been lassoed.
The four year old hit the ground hard and tears began to form in the little girl's eyes. Sally started to sob silently, more from the shock of the fall than the pain. The regression slowed and finally stopped as Sally became three. As the toddler began to sit up, the dress decided not to accommodate her and her small narrow shoulders easily slipped out of the huge gaping V-neck.
Of course, it was at this point that a semi-wet Derek, wrapped only in a towel, decided to enter the room.
'Honey, I sorry about this evening and . . .I . . . what the hell?!?!?!' Derek stared in open-mouthed shock at the sight before him.
There, in front of him, sat a naked 3 year old girl sitting on a red dress puddled underneath her, sucking on a necklace of pearls, next to a broken lamp. Derek walked over to the small child and knelt down next to her.
The three year old looked up at him with big round eyes. 'Yeth? Who are you?'
Derek was simply dumb-founded by this suddenly bizarre situation. 'I'm your husband, Derek. What happened to you?'
'Whas a hus . . .bin?' Sally continued looking at him while sucking on her pearls.
'Don't you even recognize me?'
The little girl just shook her head no and began to tear up again. 'Where's my mommy? I want mommy!'
'Great! Just fucking great!' Derek stood back up and straightened himself out. He looked around the room for some sort of cause to his wife new status. His eyes quickly locked on to the opened box of chocolates on the bed.
'No fucking way!' Derek exclaimed as he grabbed the box and searched for any messages or instructions on it. The only writing was located on the inside of the lid. Derek read through it quickly looking for some answers.
'Hmmmmm! It says here, these chocolates can age or regress anyone by 10 years per piece.' Derek did a quick inventory of the box and instantly noticed three pieces missing. He looked down at the three year old. 'Oh, no candy for me. I'm on a diet.' Derek said to her sarcastically.
Derek returned his attention back to the lid for a cure for his wife. 'Shit! I just says half the chocolates in this box will regress you by ten years per piece and the other half will age you ten years per piece.' Derek threw the lid across the room in frustration. 'But it doesn't god damn tell you or list which ones do which!'
Derek cracked his knuckles, then looked at his wife (or the toddler that used to be his wife) and then looked back at the open chocolates. He knew his only recourse was to take Sally with him to the store where he bought the chocolates and have the old man cure her. 'Well, looks like we will be going out after all.'
Derek quickly got dressed, not in the attire he was going to wear that night, but simply jeans and a sweatshirt. With a spare T-shirt in hand, he walked over to the small, nude child and knelt down. 'Okay squirt, road trip time.'
'Me no wanna go!' The three year old squirmed at his touch. 'Me wan my mommy!' Sally began to cry again, hard.
'Jesus, even at three, she's mad at me.' Derek thought to himself. 'That's where I'm taking you Sally, to go see mommy.' Derek told her with a big smile on his face.
'Yes weally. So let's go.' Derek put the T-shirt on Sally, which covered her and then some, extending past her pudgy feet by at least 8 inches or more. Every once and a while one of her shoulders would pop out of the collar, but other than that it fit pretty well.
Little Sally kept pretty quiet, especially since Derek let her keep her pearl necklace to play with, as he trotted down the stairway with her in his arms. He hoped his wife had taken care of everything with the babysitter before he had arrived home. Right now, there was no way he could explain this child to Dianne, his 10 year old and Peggy, his 8 year old, nevermind the babysitter.
Derek opened the front door and quietly proceeded to his car. As Derek drove away from his house, he couldn't escape the nagging feeling that he had forgotten something.
'But why do I have to go to bed now and Dianne doesn't?' Peggy whined as she stopped half-way up the stairs.
'Because Dianne is older and your parent said she could.' Doreen replied exhaustingly, especially after watching these two girls all night.
'But it's not fair!' Peggy began to stomp her feet in protest as she continued up the stairs.
'Hey kiddo, life's not fair. I could be on a Valentine's Day date with my boyfriend right now, but I'm not. When you're older, you'll understand.' Doreen was beginning to tire of her argument with an 8 year old. 'Now, please get ready for bed and I'll be right up to tuck you in. Okay?'
'Okay.' Peggy mumbled back. As she walk down the hallway toward the bathroom, Peggy suddenly notice her parent's bedroom light was on.
'Mommy? Daddy? Are you in here?' Peggy asked as she walked into the room.
Peggy was just about to leave and turn the lights off, when something on the bed caught her attention.
Derek pressed his face against the dusty glass window to see if he could get a better look inside the store.
'What the fuck?!?! I know this is the place, but what the hell happened here?' Derek said to himself as he continued looking in the front window for any signs of life. Unfortunately, no movement could be detected inside the abandon store. Derek could see no flashing neon sign, no tables loaded with knick-knacks, and especially no little old man. In fact, the dark and empty store looked like it hadn't been occupied in twenty years, with cobwebs angling off the window corners and dry boards nailed across the doorway.
'Why that fucking old man!' Derek uttered through gritted teeth, while shaking his head. With no other recourse, Derek turned around grudgingly and headed back toward the car.
Derek peeled out of the parking lot, squealing his tires loudly as a symbol of frustration. He wasn't on the road for more than a few minutes, when a high-pitched voice suddenly piped up next to him.
'Uncall Darewick! I'm hungree!'
Derek just looked at the wide-eyed three year old next to him for a second, then resumed looking out the front windshield.
Sally was about to repeat herself, just to make sure Derek heard her, when something approaching the car quickly caught her attention. The object was huge and its red and yellow colors illuminated brightly against the dark horizon. Little Sally couldn't read yet at her age, but she was able to recall enough memories to know what the object meant.
'McDonald's!!!!!!' The small blonde girl screamed, as she practically jumped out of her seat. 'I want McDonald's!!!!!'
'Oh for the love of . . .' Derek began his reply, before calming down slightly. 'Look Sweety, we're almost home and we can have something to eat there, okay?'
Sally made a face that looked like she had just eaten a bug. 'Noooooooooo! I don't want no yucky food at home! I want MCDONALD'S!!!!!!!!'
Her emphasis on the last word nearly blew out Derek's eardrum.
'Fine, we'll go to the damn McDonald's.' Derek replied, surrendering all will to appease his recycled wife. He found it so ironic that he now couldn't talk his wife out of eating at McDonald's, when before as an adult, no matter how much the kids pleaded, they couldn't get their mom to take them there.
Derek began to pull around to the drive-thru, when he felt someone suddenly shaking his arm.
'Nooooooo!!!!! I wanna go in!' Sally pleaded to Derek, especially after seeing the huge playground in the front window.
'Okay! Okay! We'll go in. Jesus!'
As Derek pulled into a parking space, he could help but think how messed up the evening had become. 'This is not the dinner out I had planned for Sally and me tonight.' Derek thought to himself, as he escorted his wife inside the restaurant.
Peggy walked over to the discarded box of chocolates and took the lid off. Since all the pieces looked the same, selection was fairly easy. Peggy had yet to brush her teeth, so she figured just one piece of candy couldn't hurt. She took one of the chocolates out of the box and placed it in her mouth. Just before she could begin chewing the candy, something smacked her across the back so forcefully, it caused the candy in her mouth to be projectiled across the room and under a dresser.
Peggy quickly turned around, only to be greeted by her older sister, Dianne, who stood an intimidating six inches over her.
'Hey squirt! What's up?' Dianne asked condescendingly. 'What's this you're hiding?'
Dianne swiftly snatched up the box of candy before Peggy even had a chance to react. 'You know you not allowed to have sweets before bedtime. What would Mommy say?'
'Mommy's not here, and anyway I'm old enough to have candy before bedtime if I wanna. So give'em back!' Peggy replied, as she lunged at the box in her sister's hand.
Dianne immediately raised the box over Peggy's head and out of her reach. As she tried jumping at it, Dianne simply switched the box from one hand to the other, easily dodging her little sister's attempt of candy possession.
Peggy soon became tired of her older sister's constant teasings and taunts and stopped reaching for the candy. 'Dee, you are such a dork. If you don't give me those candies, I'm going to . . .'
Dianne, less than intimidated by her sister's ultimatum, desperately tried to hold back a laugh. 'You'll what, small fry?'
A sucker punch to the gut was Peggy's answer.
Stunned more by the action of the blow than the force of the blow itself, Dianne unwittingly dropped the box low enough for Peggy to snatch it back. Peggy tried to take the chocolates and run, but Dianne quickly stuck her foot out and dropped her sister like a bad habit.
Peggy hit the floor face first, spilling chocolates all around her. In an instant, Dianne was on top of her and flipped her over on her back.
'Hit me in the tummy, huh?' Straddling herself on top of her little sister's chest, Dianne quickly pinned Peggy's arms down with her knees. Peggy had been quite small and frail for her age, which made her a prime target for ridicule in the third grade. Dianne, on the other hand, had already shown some signs of development recently, as two small bumps had begun to show on her chest. Frankly, Peggy was nearly powerless in a fight against her older sister.
'So, you want a piece of candy, do ya?' Dianne asked her helpless victim as she picked a piece of chocolate up off the carpet. 'Well here, have one!'
Peggy had her mouth closed tightly and moved her head from left to right, in rebellion against being forced to eat something she did not want to (actually she really wanted to eat the chocolate, she just didn't need it being force-fed to her). Dianne proceeded to hold Peggy's nose close with her fingers, forcing her to eventually open her mouth up to breathe. As soon as she did, Dianne immediately popped the chocolate into her mouth. She then placed her hand over Peggy's mouth so she wouldn't spit it back out.
Reluctantly, Peggy began to chew on the piece of candy, immediately noticing how bitter and stale the candy tasted. There was a hint of chocolate flavor in the candy, but it tasted more like pure unsweetened chocolate than anything. Unable to spit it out, Peggy took a deep breath (which wasn't easy with her sister sitting on top of her), and swallowed the candy whole with a loud gulp.
Dianne heard Peggy swallow the contents in her mouth and removed her hand. Peggy promptly used this opportunity to express her opinion about her current situation. 'DEE! GET OFF ME OR I'M GONNA TELL MOMMY!'
Dianne simply repositioned herself higher up on Peggy's chest in response, applying a little more weight to her knees which were still planted firmly on top of her sister's arms.
'DEE! GET OFF ME!' Peggy screamed again, her face starting to turn a little pinkish. 'I can't breathe and . . . I feel . . . kinda funny!'
'Yeah right, nice try squirt, but no way.' Dianne placed her hands on both sides of Peggy, just below her armpits.
Peggy's eyes suddenly grew wide, knowing exactly what her sister was planning to do and began to squirm desperately. 'Dee! You wouldn't dare!'
Dianne kept her victim pinned, but just barely. For a second she wondered how Peggy got so strong all of a sudden, but figured she just caught her off for that one moment. 'Oh I wouldn't, huh?' With that said, Dianne proceeded to tickle her little sister with all the frenzy of Jim Carrey with Tourette's Syndrome.
Peggy burst out laughing as she continued to squirm in her older sister's hold. Unknown to both of them, Peggy had begun to age and was already a year older than she was a few seconds ago.
'STOP! STOP IT!' Peggy screamed in-between her laughter, with tears running down the sides of her face. 'STOP IT, DEE! IT'S NOT FUNNY ANYMORE!' The white pair of long johns with little Tweety Birds on it that Peggy had on was beginning to feel a bit snug, now that she was her sister's age.
'If it's not funny, then why are you laughing?' Dianne remarked, oblivious to her sister's changes as she squirmed in her failing grip.
'DEE! I . . . SAID. . . STOP IT!' To emphasis her point, the eleven year old threw Dianne off her and quickly sat up.
Dianne was stunned at first by the sheer unbelievability that her puny sister was able to throw her off of her. As she recovered from her defeat, she was twice as stunned as to the reason why her sister was able to throw her off.
Dianne was speechless as she stood up and looked down at her not-so-little sister. She watched the 12 year old in tight long johns wiped her eyes, as tears began to form on her elbows.
'You know Dee, sometimes you just don't know when to stop.' Peggy replied as she began to stand up. Ripping and stretching sounds emanated from her outfit as the teenager stood erect and looked down on Dianne. The cuffs of her sleeves were wrapped tightly around the middle of her forearms and were gradually working their way toward the elbows. The seams around the collar were beginning to separate as her shoulders expanded. Small bumps were soon visible on the once flat surface of her chest. The bottom of her shirt was now tightly wrapped around her abdomen and barely covered her bellybutton. Peggy's long johns were soon becoming anything but long.
'Little sisters can sure be a pain in the neck.' Peggy commented as she brushed her sweaty long blonde hair out of her face.
Dianne was still awe struck by her sister's continuing metamorphosis, but not so much that the last statement escaped her notice. 'Hey! I'm the older sister, you're only eight years old.' Dianne replied as if insulted. 'Don't you remember?'
'Please Dee, I really don't have time for these childish games. You ~know~ I'm 13 right now and have been for the last three months. The only thing I don't remember is why I'm wearing your long johns.' The point soon became moot, as wearing became a tricky term for what the clothes were doing on her expanding body.
Peggy's alterations continued as she went through the RPP (Rapid Puberty Program). 13-14...The bumps on her chest soon progressed to cones as their circumference widened, causing a V-shaped tear to form down the front of her top. The cuffs of her bottoms both exploded around her swelling calves. 15-16...The bottoms of her long johns literally burst apart at the seams and fell to the floor around her ankles. Flaring hips and a widening ass decimate half of her once favorite pair of pajamas, fully exposing a peach-fuzz mound of pubic hair which quickly thickened. 17-18...The cones on her chest have now enlarged to full sized breasts, at least a large C-cup, and have torn the front of her top completely open, revealing a generous portion of cleavage. The Tweety Birds on her chest now look more like Big Birds. The transformation finally begins to ebb and soon stops, leaving a devastatingly beautiful and voluptuous 18 year old in its wake. Feeling a little bit constricted in the super tight top, Peggy tries to move her shoulders forward. For the shirt, it was the last straw, as the back split open from top to bottom. The top ripped into two pieces, causing each half easily slide down both arms and on to the floor, leaving Peggy in the full monty.
Dianne watched the entire transformation with wide eyes and an open mouth, simply too startled to say anything. Now that it seemed over, Dianne began to get a slight grip on the situation. 'Peggy, are you all right?' Dianne asked, as she hesitatingly took a step toward her.
'Oh my god!' Peggy suddenly exclaimed in unfamiliarly low voice. 'No, I'm not all right! Have you looked at the time? I'm going to be late for my date tonight.' Peggy nearly ran over Dianne as she rushed over to her mother's closet and started to sort through the clothes. 'Scott's going to be here any minute.'
Dianne was totally confused now, and that was saying a lot under the circumstances. 'What date?! Who's Scott?!?! What the heck just happened here?!?!?!'
'You're too young to understand what happens when a boy and girl fall in love, Squirt. Someday, when you grow up, I'll explain the birds and the bees to you. Mom and Dad will probably give you the cliffnotes' version in a year or two anyway.' Peggy replied, throwing a pair of white high heel shoes on the bed before returning to the closet.
'Peggy, what have happened to you? Why have you gone mental all of a sudden?'
Peggy had just finished putting on a white lace bra and pair of matching panties (both were a little tight, but otherwise fit perfectly), when she turned around to confront her little sister. The expression on her face clearly showed she was less than thrilled with Dianne's bizarre inquisition. 'Someone seems awful cranky right now. In fact, I do believe it's past a certain little girl's bedtime.'
Dianne began to back away from her approaching sister, indignant over the fact her little sister was about to put her to bed. Questions continued to bounce around in her head like lotto balls, especially the one involving how her sister came to be in the state she was currently in. As she continued to ponder her situation, Dianne suddenly stepped on a piece of chocolate.
Looking down at the flattened brown candy now embedded in the carpet, a distant realization slowly crept into Dianne's consciousness. 'The candy! That's what changed Peggy, it has to be!' Dianne thought to herself.
As Dianne reached down for a piece of chocolate, Peggy reached down for her. Both obtained their prize at the same time.
'Come on, Small Fry! Time for bed.' Peggy said, dragging her reluctant captive by the wrist toward the hallway.
'That's what you think.' Dianne thought as she popped the chocolate into her mouth.
'Hmmmph! She never had that much fun with me.' Derek lowly growled, as he watched Sally play with her new friend in the McDonald's playground. It's wasn't tha Sally was playing with another child that upset him so much, but more of the fact that it was a little boy she was playing with.
Derek continued to watch the two 3 year olds as they assualted the multi-colored plastic jungle gym again and again. Reluctantly, he had torn most of the botto half of Sally's T-shirt off, up to her knees, so that she could go off and play without constantly tripping over her attire. At first, he thought she was just going off to play by herself. Now he finds her flagrantly gadding about with another man, and a stranger no less, while he sat there by himself with a wallet te dollars lighter. Derek knew it was wrong to feel jealous over a 3 year old boy, but damn it, that little girl was still his wife. A shiver swept through his bod at that last thought, as the words pedophile and Michael Jackson suddenly entered his mind. Derek shook his head and unconsciously twirled a cold french fry in puddle of ketchup while contemplating a solution to his dilemma.
'Uncall Darewick!' The phonetical sound of his name slapped his awareness back into strong focus. 'Uncall Darewick! Lookit me!'
Derek looked up to see little Sally swinging back and forth on a metal bar. Her small body hanging at least 14 feet off the ground as it swayed repeatiously o and off the platform.
'No! No, Sally! Bad girl!' Derek sternly yelled, as he stood up from the table. 'You get down from there right now young lady, before you get hurt!'
Sally immediately stopped swinging and planted her feet back on the platform. 'You're a big meanie!' Was Sally's response to Derek's shocking disapproval. Wit that said, Sally stuck out her tongue, gave Derek a big raspberry and proceeded to jump down the slide.
'Alright! That's it!' Derek walked into the playground and caught Sally at the end of the slide. 'Funtime's over! Time to go!'
'Don't wanna go! Wanna pway more wid Billy!'
'Oh, so were on a first name basis with him, are we?' Derek replied, realizing how stupid it sounded as it left his mouth. 'Anyway it's getting late, and we really need to get home.'
'No wanna go!' Sally began to set herself up for pout mood. 'Wanna pway wid Billy!'
Before Derek could utter a response, a small voice tooted behind him. 'Yeah Mister, why don't cha letter pway?'
Whipping around, Derek confronted Sally's defender, face to groin. The 3 year old boy was either very gallant or very spoiled; Derek opted for the latter. The green-eyed monster poking him in the back, trying to prod him on wasn't helping the situation. Apparently, Derek still had some emotional issues to work out between his (adult) wife and himself and, unfortunately, these problems were beginning to surface at the wrong time.
'Well, well, well, if it isn't Billy. Look here Gigolo Junior. . .' Derek began to chastise his minature rival for Sally's affection. '. . . this is a persona matter and quite frankly none of your business. So why don't you go and zoom, zoom, zoom on zoom out of here or something.' Derek then quickly turned the chil around 180 degrees and gave him a light shove to get him on his way.
Billy walked a few steps before coming to a swift halt. Turning around, he walked back toward his opponent, who was now busy trying to get his friend Sally read to leave. With no other recourse, the 3 year old brought his foot back and drop kicked Derek right in the shin.
'Owwwwwww!' Derek exclaimed, jumping up and down on one foot while rubbing his ankle.
Out of the corner of his left eye, Derek could see his tiny attacker quickly run away from him. Out of his other eye, he could see little Sally more than slightly amused by his current predicament.
'You're funny!' Sally giggled, as she pointed her finger at Derek.
Derek's face turning completely red from embarassment. Unintentionally sinking down to children's level, Derek tried to save some face in front of his wife an took off after Billy. He saw the 3 year old go underneath a section of the jungle gym and quickly followed suit.
THUNK! Went the sound of Derek's forehead as it collided at high speed into an unforeseen low hanging metal bar.
THUD! Went the sound of Derek's body as it landed backward on the solid floor of the playground, hard.
SPLASH! Was the sound Derek first heard as he slowly regained consciousness. Groggily coming to, he found himself staring up at a teenage boy in a McDonald's uniform with an empty cup in his hand.
'Are you okay, Mister?' The employee asked.
Derek slowly raised his hand to his forehead, which now had a small lump on it which was tender to the touch. 'Well, at least I'm not bleeding.' He remarked a he brought his hand back down.
Little Sally was standing next to the McDonald's worker, still giggling at Derek's previous actions. Derek seized the opportunity by quickly, if not wearily, standing up and grabbed Sally around the waist. Flinging the small child over his shoulder, Derek headed toward the exit door.
'Have a good evening!' The pimpled-faced employee called out to him as Derek reached the glass door.
Derek slowly turned around, gave the worker a dirty look, mumbled the letters U and F (not necessarily in that order), and left with Sally kicking and screamin the whole way.
DIanne quickly chewed the chocolate morsel in her mouth, noting how simply delicious the candy tasted, almost like a piece of chocolate heaven. After savoring the sweetness of the candy for awhile, she swallowed it and waited for the changes to begin.
Almost instantly, the changes in Dianne began to manifest themselves. Though, instead of getting older, it appeared that Dianne was getting smaller. This poin was emphasized by the fact that both her sneakers easily fell off as Peggy continued to drag her across the bedroom floor.
'Hey, what the . . .?!?!' Peggy remarked as Dianne shrinking hand slipped easily from her grasp.
Turning around, Peggy stood in open mouthed awe at the transformation her younger sister was now going through. 9-8-7. . . The black tunic Dianne wore seemed t swallow her up, as her arms retreated into the sleeves and her collar grew wider. The burgundy leggings began to run rampant with wrinkles, as her legs got thinner and shorter. 6-5-4 . . . Her mind soon started to mirror her body, as her collected memories and thoughts slowly dissolved and dissipated. The surroundings became less and less familiar, almost alien to her, and so did the large woman staring down at her. Dianne slowly backed away from the strange an intimidating lady.
'Who are you?' The frightened child asked. 'Where's my mommy?'
Peggy just shook her head in disbelief. 'Come on Dee, it's me, Peggy. Surely you remember your big sister, right?' A look of worry came over Peggy's face as sh watched her little sister get even littler.
The small child simply shook her head no, while her thumb slowly migrating it way toward her mouth. The elastic waistband of her leggings suddenly no longer ha enough waist to hold their purchase and swiftly dropped down around her small ankles. Easily stepping out of them, the three year old continued backing away fro Peggy. One of her shoulders aburptly popped out of her collar. Suddenly losing the coordination to walk backwards, Dee promptly fell on her behind (not that i was a far fall at this point). As if watching a reenactment of the Wicked Witch in 'The Wizard of Oz', Peggy watched helplessly as her little sister melted awa inside the shirt.
After a few seconds of staring at the deflated shirt on the floor, Peggy gathered her thoughts (which were already altered to begin with), and reached inside th tunic. She soon withdrew, to her dismay, a 3 month old baby from the material. Holding the tiny infant awkwardly in her arms, she quickly placed her on the be for fear of hurting her.
'Don't worry sis, I'll find a way to cure ya.' Peggy said to the naked baby as it rolled around unbridledly on the bed. 'I hope.'
Suddenly, Peggy noticed the bedsheet underneath Dee begin to darken and spread out in a circular pattern. She soon realized that her sister had urinated all ove her parent's bed.
'Oh shit! This is bad!'
Before Peggy even had a chance to physically react to her sister's accident, she suddenly heard noises coming from the stairway.
'Dianne? Peggy? What's going on up there?' The voice from the stairway called out, followed by the continuation of footsteps that grew louder and louder.
'Oh fuck! This is worse!' Peggy instinctively ran to the bedroom door, slammed it shut and locked it.
Doreen was about five feet from the bedroom, when the door aburptly slammed shut in her face with the force of a small sonic boom. Being a babysitter for the last few years, experience had taught the 16 year old that two children in a locked room was never good news.
'Dianne! Peggy! Unlock this door and let me in!'
'I can't!' The voice from the other side of the door replied. 'I'm . . . . . . um . . . naked!'
'So what! I've seen you naked before. In fact, who just helped you put on your long johns tonight?' Doreen stated, then paused for a second in bewilderment before continuing her verbal exchange through the door. 'Ummmm . . . Peggy? Is that you? You sound so different.'
'Well, how's an 18 year old supposed to sound?' Peggy thought to herself as she fidgeted with one of the straps of her bra. 'And what the hell did she mean whe she said 'helped you put on your long johns'?' This last thought bothered Peggy for a second before rationalizing that Doreen probably meant Dee and not her. Still, that was an awfully big mistake to make.
'Peggy? Hello! It got pretty quiet in there all of a sudden.' Doreen asked with a note of concern in her voice. 'Is Dianne in there with you?'
'Well um, yeah! I guess so!'
'Well, what's she doing? Why doesn't she say something?' Doreen asked as she kept turning the doorknob, hoping eventually someone would unlock it.
Silence was the only response from the other side of the door.
'Okay, funtime's over! It's time to open this door and let me in!' Doreen now began to pound on the door in synchronicity with her knob turning. 'Peggy? Dianne Do you two hear me?'
Her questions were answered with even more silence.
'Damn it, you two! I swear, if you girls don't open this door right now, I'm going to . . . ' Before Doreen could finish with her threat, she unexpectedly hear the front door open up. Doreen turned her attention away from the bedroom door and went to go downstairs to investigate.
Halfway down the stairway, she saw that Mr. Webb had just returned from his night out. She was pleased to see him, but questioned the absence of his wife and th reasoning for coming home so soon. Glancing quickly at the hallway clock, Doreen noticed it was only ten thirty. As she reached the bottom of the stairs, Dere had now turned around to greet her, giving her a clear view of what he had been carrying. In his arms was a little blonde girl, no more than three, sound asleep Doreen was about to say something to him, when he quickly pursed his lips and quietly said 'Shhhhhhhhhh.'
'Where's Mrs. Webb?' Doreen softly whispered in Derek's ear.
'In the middle of our night out, Mrs. Webb recieved a page saying her sister was in the hospital.'
'Oh my god! Nothing serious, I hope.'
'Well, we hope not too. Anyway, she'll be staying at the hospital with her sister tonight, while I watch after her daughter, my niece, Sa . . . ra.' Derek readjusted the dead weight of the slumbering child in his arms. 'So it looks like I get to take from here, Doreen.'
Doreen swiftly gathered up her jacket and homework, realizing she may yet be able to have a decent Valentine's night with her boyfriend. Reaching the front doo to leave, she turned around to face Derek, suddenly remembering what she needed to tell him.
'Oh, Mr. Webb, I almost forgot. Peggy and Dianne locked themselves inside your bedroom and have refused to open the door.'
'My bedroom!?!?!' Derek exclaimed with shock and fear. He quickly pushed Doreen out the door as fast as he could.
'WellthanksforeverythingandIhopethekidswern'ttoomuchtroubleandIhaveafunnyfeelingwe'llbecallingonyouagainrealsooninthefuturethanksagainhappyValentine'sdayandbye! Derek replied expeditiously in one breath, while shutting the door behind Doreen.
'FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!' Derek yelled as he charged up the stairs in leaps and bounds, still carrying Sally in his arms.
Arriving at his closed bedroom door, Derek began kicking at it forcefully. 'Dianne! Peggy! Open this door NOW!' Derek heard the door unlock instantly, as if i wasvoice activated, and pushed it open.
The door slowly creaked opened, revealing a very shapely and attractive teenager before him, wearing only a pair of white panties and a matching bra. Visible behind her, but not as stimulating to look at, was a newborn baby gurgling softly on the bed. It was almost impossible for Derek to determine which one was Pegg and which one was Dianne.
Derek slowly walked into the room and placed Sally gently on the bed next to the baby. He then refocused his attention back to the scantily clad woman next to him. 'Dianne?'
'Dad! It's me, Peggy! Surely you recognize me, right?' Peggy asked her father, who now looked a lot younger to her than she remembered. 'I haven't changed at all. It's Dee who's changed, or needs changing, if you get what I mean.'
'Haven't changed?!?! My god Honey, you were 8 years old when I left two hours ago. Now I come home and find you looking like this.' Derek stated as he pointed his finger at Peggy's ample bosom, before he realized what he was doing and quickly lowered it back to his side.
'Eight years old?!?! Yeah right! Come on Dad, I haven't been 8 in over a decade.' Peggy crossed her arms under her large breasts, which felt natural, yet someho slightly unfamiliar at the same time. 'By the way, who does Little Miss Blondie belong to?'
'Apparently, that's your mother.'
'No way!' Peggy exclaimed, trying to contain her laughter. 'Looks like I'll be in charge of the household from now on, while you're at work, of course.'
'Only . . . until I can find a solution to your mother and older sister's predicament, young lady.'
'You mean younger sister.'
Derek suddenly realized that the chocolates not only affected a person's physical attributes, but their mental ones as well. Apparently, in her mind, Peggy wa 18 and seeing her 10 year old sister must have established the perception that she was the older sister. Derek decided not to push the envelope by causing any further psychological problems and continued on with the charade.
'Yeah, that's what I meant, younger sister. Ummm, why don't you take your mother and sister into the other bedroom while I try to piece this mystery together, okay?'
'Sure, no problem.' Peggy gently woke Sally up and with Dee securely in her arms, led them both to the other bedroom. As soon as they had left, Derek did a quic survey of the room.
The floor was littered with discarded chocolates, with more than half of them either stepped on or smashed into the carpet. 'Great! Just fucking-a-great! I ain' got a clue on what to do next.' Derek bent down and picked up the two empty halves of the white box the chocolates had come in.
Derek was about to toss the pieces across the room in frustration when he noticed that both the top and bottom halves had different writing on them. Derek remembered that he had only read the inside of the lid, never realizing that there was information on the bottom half, underneath all the chocolates.
The information on the inside of the bottom was pretty much the same as what was on the lid, except for one small difference; it listed an emergency 1-800 number.
'Finally!' Derek yelled out loud as he ran over to the cordless phone and speed dialed in the numbers. After choosing several different options, he finally go connected with a customer service representative.
'Hello! Heidegger's Food and Drugs, Inc. How may I help you?' The female representative asked.
'Yes, thank god! I'm in desperate need of some help. You see, I bought this box of candy called Dark Oni's Aged Chocolates earlier tonight.'
'Oh my yes, that's a very popular item for us around this time of the year.'
'Yeah, that's great. Anyway, my wife apparently ate three pieces and got 30 years younger and one of my daughters took one and got 10 years older while my othe daughter regressed back into a baby. Running out of breath, Derek inhaled quickly and continued. 'How do I reverse the affects? Does it wear off or do you guy ship out an antidote or what?' Derek asked nervously, hoping a solution was as easy as the cause.
'Er, well not quite, sir. Unfortunately, the affects do not wear off, but they are reversible. It's really very simple, sir. The left half side of the box contains the aging chocolates, while the right side contains the regressing ones. We even put labels on the sides of the box to note which side is which.'
Derek took a quick look at the box in his hand. Sure enough, on one end was written (L = +), while the other end read (R = -). Derek silently cursed himself fo missing such obvious instructions, even though he felt that they could have been more clearly displayed.
'So what do I do if the chocolates are no longer in the box?'
'Excuse me, sir?'
'I said, the chocolates are no longer confined to their original container. So now what?'
'Um, let me put you on hold for one second, sir.'
For the next few minutes, Derek listened to 'Little Willy' by Sweet while he waited on the line. The irony of the song was not lost on him. The representative aburptly came back on before the next song began.
'Sir, we are sorry for the inconvience our product has caused you and your family. If you would like a full cash refund on your purchase, we would be more tha happy to . . . '
'Whoa, whoa, whoa!' Derek quickly cut her off. 'Full cash refund?!?! My wife is 3 years old for Christ's sake! I think five or ten dollars is a sorry replacemen for 12 years of marriage, don't you?'
''Well, I am sorry sir, but you see . . .'
'Isn't there anything you can do? Send another box of chocolates or something?'
'I'm sorry sir, but those Dark Oni's Aged Chocolates are only made once a year, in limited quantity, for two or three weeks prior to Valentine's Day. After that all boxes are pulled from the shelves and destroyed. And since we are a marketing center and not a manufacturing one, we do not have the luxury of a large amount of surplus.'
Derek was not happy with where the conversation was going, or wasn't going. 'So what are you saying, leave my family's lives in complete upheavel until next Valentine's Day?'
'No sir, not at all. I'm just saying that it may not be possible to get your family back to their ~exact~ ages. Sometimes you may have to take two steps forwar before you can take one step back.'
'What the hell are you talking about? I'm asking for solutions and you're giving me metaphors, and lousy ones at that. Are you saying you can help my family or not?'
'Well, we are the largest distributors of age altering products. Unfortunately, almost all the items we sell work under different rules and principles. Plus, most of the products are only available for a limited amount of time, usually around the holidays. I do believe St. Patrick's Day is coming up soon. How would you feel about a couple of free samples of Lucky Louder's Shamrock Shake Mix?'
End of Part 3